He is a nice guy.
I never date nice guys. I’m a work in progress.
Although I could easily find an irrational excuse not to like him (he doesn’t have facial hair; his house is too clean; he shows up early to everything)… I do.
Incidentally, his schedule is as crazy as mine. Late nights, always working on a project – only a guy with his own packed agenda can seem to truly understand my lifestyle.
He tells me his past relationships haven’t worked out because women said he was too busy. I promised that wouldn’t be an issue for me. Despite our loaded daily agendas, we’ve been able to see each other four times in the past month.
He shoots me an email on Monday asking if I’m free to join him and a few friends for casual dinner at his house that Friday. Within minutes, I regrettably decline – I’ve had plans for weeks to meet up with a girlfriend from university that evening.
“:) No worries”, he replies, and I get back to my work.
It’s Wednesday, and I’m meeting with a friend for one of those trendy Barre fitness classes. As I park carefully in the snow-covered lot, he texts me.
“So, what are you and your friend doing on Friday?”
“Not sure yet,” I reply, dashing from the car and into the warmth of the studio.
An hour later, I return to a batch of text messages.
Nice Guy: “I’m disappointed you’re not coming over on Friday since it’s clear your plans aren’t solid. I would cancel my plans for you if the roles were reversed – no questions asked.”
Me: “Umm…you said ‘no worries’ with a smiley on Monday when I said I couldn’t make it.”
Nice Guy: “I was expecting you to have some grand plans since you said you can’t come over, but you can’t be doing anything that important with your friend since it’s Wednesday and you don’t know what you’re doing.”
I’m confused, and I don’t like that it seems he’s trying to guilt me into changing my plans.
- If he really wanted me to be there, why did he send an email (inviting me to a dinner that would be occurring whether I was there or not), rather than calling?
- Why did he wait two days to text me that he’s “disappointed” that I have a conflicting calendar appointment?
- Why doesn’t he just ask me if I can see him another time/day, or if my friend would like to come to dinner, too?
- Why did he have to tell me my undefined plans with a good friend were less important than showing up to hang at his house?
This is a pivotal moment. I’m either going to say how I really feel – or I’m going to pretend like everything’s okay so I can continue seeing Mr. Nice Guy.
Me: “Methinks you are a tad passive-aggressive.”
– Elle La Belle DC